Communication with your unborn

When the mummy feels the first few movements of her baby, a more intensive contact between her and the baby start to develop. At the beginning, she might not yet be sure what this “language” might mean.

 

The feeling of “having butterflies” in your belly comes from the movement of its little hands. The “boxing”, which can be felt as pushes against the abdominal wall, are caused by movement of its legs or its elbows. Sometimes, towards the end of the pregnancy, we can even observe a shape of a little leg pushed against the abdominal wall at certain moments. If the head lies in the pelvic area, you can feel its movement as very mild electric shocks in the direction towards your labia.

 

The first knock – first communication 

 

The first sensations of the baby “knocking” in this way, are incredibly amazing. Of course, that every mother tries to involve the daddy too in this amazing experience. However, when the daddy places his hands over the belly, there is usually a complete silence. The baby usually feels that it is now the center of attention and it keeps still and pays attention to what is happening out there.

 

When these movements are felt, every mother places her hands over the belly every now and then, pats the unborn child and talks to him. The baby hears and feels this. It reacts to the gentle pressure of the patting hand and it then swims towards the abdominal wall, it presses itself against it so that it exposes itself to even more of this tender love and care.

 

Talk to me

 

The babies sleep inside their mummy’s body during the day too. Because of this, the mother might  sometimes be worried that there is something wrong with it. If she is not sure about this, she can awaken the baby by talking to it, by moving the belly or, in some cases, even by ringing an alarm clock.

 

The mum-to-be learns to interpret the different types of the baby’s movement pretty fast: when it wants to cuddle or when it is agitated, when it feels frightened or when it is in a good mood and it rolls over. They show their feelings and impressions with their whole body. They can “jump” with joy, or move suddenly when they get startled with something and they curl up when they are scared.

 

Most of the women call their unborn babies cute names at this stage of pregnancy and it even seems that children remember these sounds and respond to them later on in life. Communication could help.

 

Some adults even talk about their life before being born during various therapy sessions. It seems that with the use of trance, certain breathing techniques or drugs, these repressed, spontaneous memories can flow up to the surface and be recalled again.

 

 

 

Touching

Before a child is born his body is imminently attached to its mother. After birth body is released but the bond stays very strong.

 

Only in time a crystallization of the mind slowly develops in baby’s body and more obvious perception of self separation from the worlds around it takes place. Just like the soul of the little one, which is almost visible in newborns, would imbed itself into the little body and the little person starts to become aware its own self. This process carries on till adulthood. First major turning point is between 2nd and 3rd year of child’s life where child is able to mark itself as “I”. It doesn’t perceive itself from the outside and doesn’t say any more „Annie wants…” but it says “I want…. Me too…”. The journey to autonomy of own self and to personal freedom it a hurtful process and takes all life.

A big help on this journey is experience in touching since the earliest time possible. Sense of touch helps to recognize the field of child’s body as well as to set the soul fully into it. On the other hand touch is the sense which helps to merge parts (or body parts) with its own. When someone strokes me I’ll feel their hand and also my own body. Self personality and the world is so far one unit. It is so different to other senses such as sight.

Lovingly stroking a child or cuddling it up lays comfort to the child’s body and cosy home to its soul. It is very important on the way of discovery of self identity. If the opposite takes place, such as insensitive or even abusive manipulation of baby’s body, the soul of the little one has a very difficult journey to become happy in its body. This can become evident in adulthood especially in the ability of emotional attachment. An example is when a person is not able to identify with him or herself in certain situation or it can manifest itself in immunity disorders, impairment of self integrity. This person would be prone to infections. Also some research shows that cancer cells are occurring more readily.

How can we help a child to understand its own body by touching? By choosing the right clothing which is a very intensive resource of touch experience. Well processed natural fibers are much more pleasant resource for touching that synthetic fiber. By oiling babies body after bath – important is that your hand and the oil has the right temperature. Pay also attention to the sample of oil not just for its content but also for the feel. It shouldn’t contain mineral paraffin. If child suffers from colic; give it warm massage of the tummy with appropriate vegetable oil. Massage it with warm hand from the belly button in spiral movement clock wise towards the left thigh. When the child starts walking don’t prevent it touching the world around. What can be nicer than helping you making the bread dough? Spreading the butter with its own hand? Using hands to paint with appropriate, edible colors? Jumping in warm summer puddle with bare feet? Investigate the mole heap in the garden by putting its hand down in it?

How To Give Children Advice

Parents often ask me if there is a time when it’s good for parents to give their children advice in a difficult situation.

 

Parents often ask me if there is a time when it’s good for parents to give their children advice in a difficult situation. Yes, sure, unlike our children we have the knowledge and experience that could help them, but the important thing is good timing. To figure out when it’s good to intervene, follow your child’s lead. Generally speaking, children can recover more easily than we think. An independent child probably won’t ask for advice – if we’re not asked, it’s best we don’t give it.

The worst time to give advice is when a person (no matter his age) who is full of pain confides in us. My experiences tell me that if we hear them out, confirm their pain and show them we accept it, our children will reach wise conclusions on their own. And if our advice is important to them, they will express this by giving us specific questions. In emotionally draining stress situations, my children act this way about once a year. During different situations it happens more often.

Who do some children ask for advice more often then other children in emotional distress?

 

Everyone is born independent and self-confident. But because many of us experience doubts during our childhood, we learn to not trust our feelings. In the same way, we teach our children distrust. Children that develop a constant need for someone’s advice need to hear expressions of trust and confidence from others. I recommend the following to all parents who would like to help their children regain independence and self-trust:

– Tell your child about your new approach and promise him that next time you will be listening without talking (he will be excited!). Be truthful and honest. You are learning too.

– If your child expresses signs of dependency again and asks you for advice in what to do, respond with: “And what do you think?” and confirm this with “I’m sure that you’ll be able to find a solution”, or “It’s a difficult situation, think it over carefully.”

– If your child gets startled or confused by this, he probably temporarily lost his self-confidence and is not able to offer his own solutions. You can help him with encouraging words such as: „You know what to do best.” If he still doesn’t know what to do, suggest several possibilities and end it with: „(…) and maybe you have a better idea.“

– If you decide to give advice, you can use these important strategies: Offer several ideas, without revealing which of them you prefer. Let your child know, that he could have a better idea and that he should do what he feels is right. Talk clearly and simply, avoid lecturing. Talk positively about solutions and don’t judge.


Gradually, give advice less and less and express trust in the skills and decision-making capabilities of your child more and more.

 

If your child starts crying or gets angry if you refuse to give advice, validate his feelings with something like: „You wanted me to offer a solution and now you feel abandoned and helpless. I love you and know you are capable…I know you know what to do. You may now feel helpless and incapable but in the end, I’m sure you will find your answer.“ Most of all, listen. Crying will help restoring your child’s self-assurance. As soon as the crying stops and everything becomes quiet, the child can start coming up with answers.

During a calm moment, talk to your child about how he wants you to act if he’s upset and set clear rules that he would like to establish. Do this between situations when he’s upset – never shortly after or during.

You can’t follow these rules rigidly. It’s important to be empathetic and to know how to respond sensitively. It’s not necessary to refuse to help, if the child is not ready to offer his own solution. As soon as we offer our child more opportunities to express his independency, we have to observe and respond to signs of readiness. We can’t force our child to be independent. Sometimes, empathy can mean trying to free our children from being dependent on our advice; other times, it means to yield to their dependency on our advice.

 

Once you succeeded, and your child stops being dependent on you – and you break your habit of rescuing him with advice – become a curious and respectful listener. His emotional state and behavior will improve and so will yours. Don’t forget that emotions are never wrong; all feelings are undeniable, real and right. Circumstances and actions may need to change, but feelings should be accepted and heard.