With authority or democratically? A never ending question. Upbringing is a complicated and difficult process and it’s almost impossible to choose one way over the other.
A child whose parent tell him constantly off or give him always orders without any explanation; a child that have no spontaneous attachment to anyone (especially to its mother) or has no security… That kind of child will definitely lack self confidence and will only act his life out. The world around it will seem cold, strange or hostile and it will have no understanding why!
Upbringing with authority
When constantly applying authority a child will get used to carry out task thoughtlessly, giving up to parents’ authority and take up only their opinion. It will become less active because it will be afraid of a punishment. It’s becoming more fearful and is less tolerant to others. When he or she socializes with their peers, with different opinions, his or hers activity increases and it behaves “as a bad child”. It can also lead to aggression while putting its own self forward.
On the other hand there is a child that gets all it wants, it is overwhelmed with money or presents where parent compensate their lack of interest or their emotions. They have no interest in their child’s hobbies, experiences or even their worries so actually they’re neglecting their child’s needs. Even this child will have problems to fit in society it will feel unsure of itself.
Under the influence of so called liberal way the child aims at no goals, it does not need to overcome any obstacles. His patience, persistence or character activity does not develop; it doesn’t trust its own ability. It doesn’t need to – parents who apply this way of upbringing make sure that their child doesn’t have to do anything, doesn’t have to deal with anything all is done for them.
When you encourage the right characteristics in your child, such as persistence or self-control; when you ask of your child adequate tasks to complete or when you take your child as a valid member of your family who has adequate responsibilities that are done without a prompt; when we don’t reach for inadequate punishment and the relationship between parents and children is friendly that is when we exercise the style of upbringing called democratic and it also is the ideal way.
Child is able to develop his diligence and character stability. The care is consistent but subtle. Rules have boundaries and they are kept within the needs of the whole family. Children who listen to parents are able to reason if to bend the stereotype or not.
It is interesting to find out that something works with a particular child but does not work with other. Fundamental is the relationship between the carer and the cared for. Equally important is also the current situation. The way we bring our child up means: being able to constantly communicate with each other and look for the right methods.
A child get also affected by the carers’ temper, immaturity or aggression, instability, his intellectual or somatic handicaps, dissatisfaction of his own life and similar. Strong are also the experiences from their own childhood if he or she was happy or not at home or school.
When child’s character is formed the positive emotional attachment plays major role. Ideal way to care is actually being able to use positive emotions with democratic way. However to find out to what extend isn’t easy.
Setting up boundaries
Today the liberal upbringing seems to lead in the statistics. Parents should define specific boundaries, straight and valid rules and strictly keep to them. I will lead the child towards responsible behavior. Of course parent should learn how to speak to their kids. They should be able to explain the rule and why the child should keep to them. Important for the upbringing is the relationship between parents because child is constantly watching and copying its surrounding.
It is rather difficult to practice this and it does not always work out because, as we said before, each child is unique.
We should therefore think about how our personality affects our child or if we could improve something in our relationship. Good communication with a child and well-spent time together are not just necessary contribution but also a source of fun and pleasure for ourselves.