The Significance of Birth Order

It’s a well-known story. A child is alone, enjoying his parent’s attention. Then, the second one comes along and the first-born feels abandoned and angry. The second child feels that they never had their parent’s attention just to themselves as the first-born did, since they always had to share it with the older sibling. The two battle, each in a slightly different way. And then the last child comes along and gets spoiled much more then any of the older siblings.

 

The only child is also spoiled, selfish and a loner.  These are some of the stereotypes we all know very well. And you probably know these first hand in dealing with your siblings. It’s just another theory like horoscopes that we do find a lot of truth in, but also don’t take it that seriously. But birth order psychology believes that there is more to this; that the order in which we are born has a far larger significance and impact on who we are.   These differences outweigh other differences such as gender.

Many well known thinkers have paid a lot of attention to this subject: like Alfred Adler, Sigmund Freud or Carl Jung, to list a few. Psychologists hinted on the significance birth order has and made numerous studies and experiments to find out what exactly the impacts are. Recently, Frank Sulloway confronted this subject in his book Born to Rebel. Sulloway differentiates only first-borns, which includes an only child and later-borns. While scientists may differ in some ways, these are the overall reoccurring themes in birth order psychology:

 

 Birth order – first-borns

 

First borns are often more dominant, critical, assertive and ambitious. First-borns will more likely get into a prestigious school and do well academically. Some scientists even say first borns may have a higher IQ, but this could also be because parents may invest more in first borns and spend more time studying with them.  Yes, a new research claims that first-borns are the favorites among parents, however many have argued this. Sulloway says that most American presidents and other leaders were first borns, as they are ambitious, focused and well organized. They are also more conservative, narrow minded and anxious then their younger siblings. Oldest siblings are the most likely to settle down and be in a long-term relationship as they are very family-oriented. Adler described first-borns frustration by being “dethroned” by their younger sibling.

If the fist born stays first born – and will be an only child, he will never be “dethroned” and will not have to enter sibling rivalry.  Only children are often more mature since they grow up with adults, but may have a hard time separating from their parents. Because they are used to growing up alone, they may be loners as adults or at least be able to handle loneliness way better then people with siblings. Only children are described as perfectionists, afraid of failure, careful or high achievers (similar traits to first-borns).

 


 Birth order  – middle child

 

Middle children and all later borns are considered to be more creative, innovative and rebellious. Sulloway claims that in history, revolutionists tend to be later-borns. Middle children compete their older and younger sibling and may act out in order to get attention. Middle children are defined as mysterious, adaptive and less connected (they feel left out). They are often very open to new ideas and have liberal views. Middle children often feel left out and sometimes tend to reject their family, just so they don’t get rejected themselves.  Since their position in their family feels fragile and unidentified, their friends are that much more important to them.  They are also very secretive, less decisive and sometimes base their decision on whether it’s an opposite of the first-born decision (“born to rebel”).  Middle children are able to look at things from different perspectives – they are empathetic. They are thus called peacemakers and try to resolve conflicts of others even though they avoid conflicts themselves. Because they feel they are less loved or receive less attention, they are great fighters for justice.

 

Birth order – youngest child

 

Often stereotyped as the spoiled ones, the youngest children are usually very friendly, open, fun loving and adventurous. The youngest ones are often very charming, using this to their advantage – they can be manipulative and are said to be great salesmen.  They tend to be the most successfully socially and have the highest self-esteem of all siblings. Financially, they are often irresponsible and can be selfish.  Youngest children love the spotlight and often have other members of their family wrapped around their finger. What may bother them though, is when parents overlook their achievements since they have seen them a number of times before with their older children. For an attention loving youngest child, this could be very frustrating.  Youngest children often leave responsibility for their actions to their older siblings, and thus have a problem establishing their independency later on.

 

These are the general, mostly consistent descriptions of the personality effects of birth order. Remember that other factors play in as well. For example, what the gender of the siblings are (same sex siblings rivalry could be slightly different then opposite-sex rivalry). Also, how much apart are the siblings (A 6 year gap could create a new generation of first-borns) and how big the family is?. All these and other factors also play in the larger picture.  However it is important to keep in mind what order your children are in and take it into consideration when you evaluate their behavior. Its good to take birth order into consideration while dealing with your children as soon as possible, so your children can overcome their possible (pre-determined) personal conflicts as well as they can.

 

 

Putting Your Child to Sleep

Sometimes, a child needs to be calmed down after he eats in order to fall a sleep. Soft rocking or a lying in your arms can help him relax and fall asleep.

 

If you want him to fall asleep on his own, try to postpone these calming techniques until he is really fussy, or he’ll get used to it.

 

Sucking

A child often soothes himself by sucking, for example your clean pinky. Sometimes he sucks his own fist. If he wants a pacifier, give him one that has a natural shape. Try to take it away from him when he is 3 months old.

Calming Touch

You can calm your baby by rhythmically massaging his tummy. Don’t speed up the rhythm of the massage so that the baby doesn’t get alarmed and don’t stop until he closes his eyes.

Rocking

Rock your child in your arms until he falls asleep. It’s possible that he will wake up every time you stop and try to put him in his bed, but it’s still a proven way to get your baby to sleep.

 

Putting and older child to sleep

A child over six months old will be falling asleep easier if his whole routine of going to sleep stays the same every night  – babes like repetition and rituals.

A child of this age will have a harder time falling a sleep in an unknown environment and his sleep can be disrupted by any change, like a vacation, so try to keep up the normal routine even while you’re traveling. Make this occasion as comfortable and fun as your can.

 

Putting your child to sleep:

  • Every night, start with the same activity. Bathing is a good one, because it’s relaxing and fun at the same time. If your child doesn’t like bathing, a calm 20-minute game can be relaxing.

    Little girls sleep

    Little girl s sleep

  • If your child gets fed before going to sleep, feed him in his room, so he understands that his room is a nice place, not just a room where he is sent off to sleep.
  • Put his favorite teddy bear or another soft toy in his crib.
  • This is a good time to get the father involved; both of you should get involved in this night routine. The last half hour should bet he same every night, and should be the most comforting for the child.
  • Read him his favorite book so he can calm down; help him relax.
  • Don’t stop reading, even if it seems that he isn’t paying attention- he’s probably tired and doesn’t have the energy to respond to the pictures, but that doesn’t mean he’s not listening.
  • Wrap him up into his blanket along with his favorite toy and give him a kiss goodnight. Dim the lights or turn on the night-light. Don’t leave too quickly, stay in the room for a while longer.

 

Other methods:

 

Car ride

If you feel completely hopeless, try putting your child in his car seat and drive around the block – the movement of that car will probably put him to sleep. After returning home, carry your child inside in his car seat. Don’t forget to cover him with a blanket. Many parents believe that a car ride is a great method for putting a tired baby to sleep.

Lullabies and a rocking motion are old proven ways to put a child to sleep. A child doesn’t care if you can’t sing.

Recorded music can also help – a quiet calming music can help a child overcome his light sleep phase, out of which he wakes up easily. A child that doesn’t sleep well may appreciate music he could have heard in the womb.

 

Rhythmic movements

A child often falls asleep if we move the stroller back and forth even if he tries to stay awake and watches us. If this doesn’t help, try taking him out for a walk in the stroller. He should be well dressed and covered.

 

Wrapped babies

Wrapping up a newborn into light cotton blanked will calm him down. The room where baby sleeps shouldn’t be over 18 °C however. Don’t wrap your baby after he is one month old or you will restrict his movements and effect his movement development.

 

When should your baby go to sleep?

That depends on you and your partner. You should pick a time that suits you and that you can stick to every day. It should be a time when you both are at home, but shouldn’t be so late that it will take up your whole night. Pick a time between 6 and 8 pm to your baby to sleep.

 

Speech in the First Year

A child needs enough (but not too much) of quality stimuli for a proper healthy development. The most important factors for the development of proper speech are our voice, our speech, a warm approach, positive feedback, a calm environment and a feeling of security.

 

Every healthy child wants to talk. We lead by example and he will try to imitate us. That’s why we should talk to our children as much as possible. Our voice should be calm, warm and distinctive; with a natural intonation. An infant doesn’t care what we are saying, but how we are saying. He perceives our intonation, pace, timbre, the strength of our voice and rhythm.

 

Your Voice is the Most Important For Your Child´s Speech

The essential factor for the development of speech is the perception of rhythm. We should talk rhythmically to our child, read him rhymes and just overall make our words rhythmical. Don’t think about how good or bad your voice is, just try to be imaginative.

We should talk rhythmically and melodically during everyday activities such as bathing, dressing, while on a walk, while holding the baby, etc. It should be a regular, rhythmical ascending and descending of our voice on 2 or 3 tones (For example: Just-in is play-ing with his te-ddy bear).

We often talk rhythmically and melodically naturally without even realizing it. This is very important and that’s why a child should hear melodious speech as much as possible. Gradually, we should include children’s songs and rhymes.

Try not to replace your own voice with professional recordings of actors or singers. Our voice is the most important for our child and no other voice can replace it.

Background sounds

In order for the child to be able to recognize and differentiate the quality of sounds, it’s also necessary to offer him a quiet and calm environment. We adults often don’t even notice background sounds, but for children it’s harmful if the TV or music are on all the time.

 

Breastfeeding as practice

The muscles of the mouth that we need in order to articulate, primarily serve for sucking and swallowing purposes, the basis is quality muscle coordination. The main way for an infant to train this coordination is by eating.

At first, its breastfeeding, which is very important for an overall development of a child in many ways.  Later it’s chewing, biting and drinking out of a cup. In order for a child to correctly use his mouth muscles, he has to experiment with them and discover them. That’s why it’s only natural, that he sticks his fingers and other object into his mouth. We should let our child do that, but ensure it is safe and hygienic.

 

Pacifier

If you give your child a pacifier, try to give it to him as little as possible. A long-term use of a pacifier can have an effect on jaw development and it prevents the child from talking. An active, satisfied, or a sleeping baby does not need a pacifier.

When a child starts teething, we should start using a special toothbrush for toddlers. This way, we help our child develop proper hygienic habits.

 

Toys

For the sake of a full psychomotor development of a child, its necessary to get him appropriate toys. They should help him further develop his senses – touch, hearing, sight, smell and taste (whistling toys, rattles, bath toys, colored wooden blocks, buckets, balls, rings on a rod, cloth toys, simple picture folding books, etc.)

We should be picky and prefer toys from quality materials – definitely put quality before price. Toys could also be everyday things that children see „in action“: a mug, a spoon, a box, a comb, etc. In these cases, make sure your child doesn’t hurt himself or break the object he is playing with.

 

Love is number one

If we want to develop proper speech in our child, we should talk to him a lot, appeal to his senses, sing to him, play with him, read books with him and help him discover the world around him. We help him make the most of his own potential.

We give him a chance to learn the basics of correct and content- rich speech. But even the best material equipment can’t replace an emotionally warm and loving environment.

Only such environment, where the child will feel loved and protected, will give him an opportunity to develop his abilities and his speech.  

 

Speaking is Hard Work

Speaking is hard work – motivate your child! Child starts to speak about the 12th month of life. At first it uses one word or often one syllable expression that is relevant to current situation (bye bye, wee) or particular person (mo mo, da da, na na) or animal sounds (like woof, meow…) or thing (neee nooh, brrrum).

 

These expressions are not just names they can also represent full sentences or they are relevant to situation in context where the meaning isn’t certain. When a child says “ brrum” it can mean “look I have a car” or “ I see that a car is passing” or “are we going in a car” or “ I can hear a car” or similar.

Interjection

Common things in child speech are interjection words used instead of verbs. So “hop”- to jump, to throw; “hammy” – to eat, I am hungry; “bye” – see you later, to leave etc. The way we respond, repeat or finish the sentence we show positive feedback to the child. It enables it to expand its own vocabulary. A sentence will develop by linking words together like “dada brrum bye bye, momma hammy…”

 

Vocabulary

Firstly a child puts words in order by their meaning and emphasis or following our example. Because it is difficult to pronounce more syllable word it adapts words to its ability and shorten them or makes own kinds. It learns to recognise words like mine, my it will see the difference between I and you. It is able to respond correctly to yes or no. The vocabulary expands due to the incentive of the environment and mutual communication.  If we talk with our children a lot and encourage our child ‘talking appetite’ it will have a vocabulary of about 400 words about the 3rd year of its life. It is only for orientation, each child have different ability.

 

Childs development

Child’s development is a complex issue. All abilities are interlinked and follow each other. Independent walking and better dexterity has effects on the progress of its brain ability and vice versa. Between the first and the second year the locomotion develops significantly.  Because child is more active it expands its surrounding and have more opportunities to expand own ability.

 

Hearing

To progress in speech it is important to have good hearing. A child has to learn to make differences between variety of sounds and pronunciation of various letters. This skill is called phonematic differentiation and it is decisive in the correct pronunciation. Any kind of hearing impediment gives child a disadvantage. The development of a speech with hearing defect is impaired and it needs specialised care from early stages of life.

 

Sight

Also sight can affect the speech development. Child carefully watches our lips and tries to imitate the movement in pronunciation. It is important for a child not just hearing but also seeing their opponent. Between the second and the third year of life a child is equipped enough to progress well in correct forms and content. Vocabulary is active and passive according to experience and impulses from its environment and it expands and develops progressively. The child practices the pronunciation of syllables from our phonematic system. Three year old is able to use speech as a communication tool, for covering its needs, to fit in its surrounding and of course to please its ancestors. The communication is for the child a necessity but also for fun and entertainment.

 

Environment

Each child is unique and it carries specific equipment of abilities. It is surrounded by loved ones with similar manners. speaking is hard workThat is why the development of each child carries the specific marks typical for its family that differ from others. Development of a child is subtle and continuous. Each child progresses in its abilities systematically step by step. Some children’s development can progress in leaps. A period of fast learning can be suddenly changed to a period of stagnation. But the development happens no matter what; it is harmonic and direct in all areas. Third group of children whose development is uneven, for example a child is more mature in some areas but slower in others, special care should be taken to “tune up” the complexity of their development.

 

Taciturn

There could be many causes to the child’s speech development. If a child is healthy, its normal phycho-locomtive development  is without deviation and has the right surrounding for speech development, and does not start speaking about the age of three we call this the extended  physiological taciturn. It shouldn’t lead to worries. This kind of child just needs all-round careful lead including support in its communication ability. It has a very good chance to catch up and fit in among its peers.

 

Repetition

Parents’ attitude and encouragement largely contributes to child’s speech development and its form and content. You cannot separate them. Taking up correct pronunciation of syllables requires manifold repetition of particular syllable in variety of words. It has to practice it in many situations as well as it has to have the opportunity and has to know how. It uses its senses and our willingness to repeat it many times. It is of course time and patience consuming process. In the first year of life child need to strengthen its emotional attachment, feel secure and parent should take the activity in hand. In the second year we aim to teach a child to use communication tools to be able to covet its needs.

Several principles to follow:

  1. We should always speak to a child in correct form of a word, don’t use ‘baby talk’.
  2. Pace of speech should be calm and understandable.
  3. Modulate with emphasis but don’t over-do it.
  4. Repeat child’s words in correct pronunciation and don’t pick on wrong-doing.
  5. Let child watch your face when you are speaking.
  6. Alternate activities with a break, don’t over-work your child. Make sure it sleeps regularly.
  7. Use song, rhymes, read fairy tales or stories. Look through pop-up books. Comment on the stories or the activity which you do together. Use communication games.
  8. Avoid drilling. Don’t ever use: “Say it now!”. You must not force your child to speak to you. The appetite to speak to us freely is important. Use positive feedback.

 

Questions

Somewhere around year three children might start asking: “What is it?” and immediately following with “Why?”. The essence of these questions lies in gathering information. However we discover soon that child is asking the same things over and over even though it knows the answer. If we consider the content of our ‘dialog’ we find out that child is not seeking information but it exercises your attachment to it and your personal guard. It is showing us that it has an interest in communication with us and wants to speak to us. Sensitive and understanding parent responds to this challenge with patience, doesn’t shout at the child and encourages with the answer their child to speak. It is not always easy to answer the probing question. However if your child hears only: “ Leave me alone. Don’t ask such a silly question. What is it now?”, your child will stop asking and its communication development will come to stop. If we feel tired or are not in the mood or just had a hard day, we have the right to say just “I don’t really know” or “I will find out” or stir the conversation to something else. It will give us at least a little break. Good dialog is always two sided and child will learn this for its future life.

 

Speaking

Even if we are caring and supporting our child in communication skills very well, it is also common, that you child is not able to say many words. It may even have some handicap in comparison to other. Around year three a child is able to actively use about 400 words (as mentioned above). Its speech is the major communication tool with its environment. It does not happen automatically. It is the result of many experiments and mistakes made while learning. Parents have the responsibility to support their child in any way possible, praise it, and motivate it. It can be impossible to judge objectively your child development by yourself. You are not able to compare and you may also be bias. If a child, at the age of three, doesn’t speak, I’d recommend visiting your local speech therapist who assesses your child and suggest further progress.

Speaking is hard work… When a child is learning to speak it becomes the busiest mentally overloaded person on the planet who, luckily, isn’t aware of it.

Sleep, Baby, Sleep…

The first four months of a baby’s life are also called the „fourth trimester“, since the baby is adapting to the world outside of his mothers womb in which he had everything he needed. Now he has to learn to satisfy his needs through adults. That’s why a baby’s sleep patterns are not getting stabilized and there is no „wrong“ or „right“ at this point yet.

 

Parents usually have a crib ready before the birth of their child (later in the article you’ll find out which one is the best). But parents cannot know ahead of time how their little one will sleep in it. Our first tip: if you ever hear an advice that you should get your baby used to a regular sleeping regime, forget about it for now (you can try that later). First, try to get tuned in to what the baby’s sleeping needs are. Basically, allow him to sleep and eat whenever he wants; let him lead you.

Even though you child’s sleeping regime may be unpredictable, you should go through this „unorganized“ phase with him. Your baby will learn to communicate with the world by observing your reactions to his needs and behaviors. In the first four months of his life, go ahead and put your baby to sleep in your arms (while rocking or feeding) without fearing that he will learn bad habits. It’s not good to practice the let-him-cry-until-he-falls-asleep-method on small babies, since they don’t know how to soothe themselves down yet.

Around a baby’s fourth month, he is developed enough to get used to a regular sleeping regime; or perhaps his sleeping patterns will stabilize on their own.

 

What’s the Average Sleep Time?

A newborn usually sleeps when he is full and satisfied, being that anytime during the day and night. The need for sleep is different with each child, so consider the following lines approximate:

•  A newborn can sleep up to 20 hours a day.

•  Around his second month, a baby starts separating his night and day sleep. Also, his day sleep time is now slowly decreasing. A child now sleeps around 14-18 hours a day, individual differences are big.

•  A one-year-old child sleeps around 12-17 hours a day.

•  A three-year-old toddler sleeps around 10-16 hours a day.

 

What Are the Best Cribs and  Mattresses?

The crib should be made of natural materials and painted with non-toxic paint color.

The slats on a crib rail should be 45-75 millimeters apart. You can find many types of matrasses to choose from. The important thing is for the matrasses to not be too soft, since then the baby may sleep in a dent that could be bending his spine. Another important thing to remember is that the crib should only be used for sleep, not for daytime activates such as playing.

 

What Sleeping Position is Safe For Your Baby?

It’s been said that the only safe position for a newborn is on his back. Sleeping on the side can lead to the baby rolling over on his stomach. Sleeping on the stomach can lead to an increased risk of suffocation and to sudden infant death. When the child is four months old, he is capable of turning into a position that suits him best. We should let him do that.

On the other hand, a several old week baby should spend some time on his stomach when he is awake – this helps develop his mental and motor skills and abilities.

Do not put a pillow or a large quilt into a crib of a nursing baby up to his twelfth month of age (or longer). For the sake of a proper spine development, a pillow is not recommended for a child under three years of age. The toys in a crib should not have a string longer than thirty centimeters and all things that could disrupt a baby’s sleep or create potential safety hazard should be removed from the crib.

In the first 6 months, a baby can sleep at home or in a stroller. Later though, this could be dangerous, since the child can fall of the edge of the stroller when he wakes up.

 

What Should the Room’s Temperature Be?

For day sleeping, the temperature should be around 22 °C, while for night sleep the temperature should be less – around 18 °C. A child should be properly dressed.

 

Putting a Child to Sleep at Night

Putting a child to sleep at night slowly becomes an important routine. If you repeat the same rituals before putting your child to bed, he will then get sleepy just from the pre sleep atmosphere alone.  Such sleep rituals include:

•  bathing (can be combined with a massage)

•  dimming lights

•  changing into pajamas

•  feeding

•  nice quiet music or singing

A child should be fed, bathed and put to bed at the same time everyday, ideally between 6-8 pm. A half-hour before sleep should be dedicated relaxing. There should be no light in the child’s room (or wherever he sleeps). If he sleeps alone in a crib, he should be properly dressed or put in a sleeping bag that will keep him warm all night.

 

Can a Child Sleep With His Parents?

It’s been said that in terms of safety, it’s best if a baby sleeps in his own crib that is close to his mother’s bed. This also makes night feeding easier. Night feeding can also be made easier by letting the baby sleep in your bed, between you and your partner.

Sleep baby with fatherOpinions on whether a child can sleep in his parent’s bed vary; some pediatricians don’t recommend it while others do. A pediatrician Nils Bergman from the University of Cape Town encourages parents to let their children sleep with them. According to his latest study, children that sleep in their own bed from an early age are less rested and more stressed out at night. He recommends that children sleep in their parent’s bed until they are three years old. The director of education in the Children’s Mental Health Center in London and an author of parenting books Margot Sunderland says children should sleep with their parents even longer; until their fifth year of age. Until then, children can suffer from separation anxiety, which can affect their adult life as well. According to Sunderland, thanks to “co-sleeping”, children grow up as calm, healthy adults.

 

The Desire for Safety: Sleep Associations

Some children only require falling asleep in their parent’s bed, and can continue sleeping calmly in their own bed after their parents carry them over. Other children often wake up at night. In this context, we are talking about „sleep associations“, which are certain conditions and activities that affect a child’s sleep.

A sleep association can be anything that a child associates with falling a sleep: a parents arm, a mother’s breast, a pacifier, rocking, a closeness of a parent… During the night, a child assures himself that his safety has been maintained – that’s why he wakes up, cries and demands the same conditions he had while falling asleep.

Children older than four months can usually soothe themselves after waking up at night in different ways: by sucking their thumb, moving their head from side to side, by singing or humming, moving their arms, holding their stuffed animal, etc.

 

Night Feeding

You should remember to differentiate infant’s night and day sleep. When you feed your baby at night, do so in a quiet, dark room.

Night feeding is a must until the child is six months old. Gradually, night feeding should be shortened so that the child drinks less and is put back to bed shortly after burping. It’s easy to say, but harder to do.

After the child is six months old, he can often sleep through the night without being fed. Individual differences, again, are big. Especially breast fed babies require one to two feedings per night even when they are older. To deny them this at all costs wouldn’t be right. All of this also depends on the upbringing of the child.

 

Day Sleep

A child needs to sleep during the day, so he can gain energy. Children should sleep regularly after noon feeding around 1, 5 to 2 hours. Nursed babies under 9 months sometimes sleep before noon, between 10 am and 12 pm. This sleep is usually shorter than an afternoon nap. Because a child sleeps at a higher temperature during the day, dress him accordingly.  Don’t overheat your baby.

Upbringing of Your Child

With authority or democratically? A never ending question. Upbringing is a complicated and difficult process and it’s almost impossible to choose one way over the other.

 

A child whose parent tell him constantly off or give him always orders without any explanation; a child that have no spontaneous attachment to anyone (especially to its mother) or has no security… That kind of child will definitely lack self confidence and will only act his life out. The world around it will seem cold, strange or hostile and it will have no understanding why!

 

Upbringing with authority

 

When constantly applying authority a child will get used to carry out task thoughtlessly, giving up to parents’ authority and take up only their opinion. It will become less active because it will be afraid of a punishment. It’s becoming more fearful and is less tolerant to others. When he or she socializes with their peers, with different opinions, his or hers activity increases and it behaves “as a bad child”. It can also lead to aggression while putting its own self forward.

Liberal upbringing

On the other hand there is a child that gets all it wants, it is overwhelmed with money or presents where parent compensate their lack of interest or their emotions. They have no interest in their child’s hobbies, experiences or even their worries so actually they’re neglecting their child’s needs. Even this child will have problems to fit in society it will feel unsure of itself.

Under the influence of so called liberal way the child aims at no goals, it does not need to overcome any obstacles. His patience, persistence or character activity does not develop; it doesn’t trust its own ability. It doesn’t need to – parents who apply this way of upbringing make sure that their child doesn’t have to do anything, doesn’t have to deal with anything all is done for them.

Democratic upbringing

When you encourage the right characteristics in your child, such as persistence or self-control; when you ask of your child adequate tasks to complete or when you take your child as a valid member of your family who has adequate responsibilities that are done without a prompt; when we don’t reach for inadequate punishment and the relationship between parents and children is friendly that is when we exercise the style of upbringing called democratic and it also is the ideal way.

Child is able to develop his diligence and character stability. The care is consistent but subtle. Rules have boundaries and they are kept within the needs of the whole family. Children who listen to parents are able to reason if to bend the stereotype or not.

Communication

It is interesting to find out that something works with a particular child but does not work with other. Fundamental is the relationship between the carer and the cared for. Equally important is also the current situation. The way we bring our child up means: being able to constantly communicate with each other and look for the right methods.

A child get also affected by the carers’ temper, immaturity or aggression,  instability, his intellectual or somatic handicaps, dissatisfaction of his own life and similar. Strong are also the experiences from their own childhood if he or she was happy or not at home or school.

When child’s character is formed the positive emotional attachment plays major role. Ideal way to care is actually being able to use positive emotions with democratic way. However to find out to what extend isn’t easy.

Setting up boundaries

Today the liberal upbringing seems to lead in the statistics. Parents should define specific boundaries, straight and valid rules and strictly keep to them. I will lead the child towards responsible behavior. Of course parent should learn how to speak to their kids. They should be able to explain the rule and why the child should keep to them. Important for the upbringing is the relationship between parents because child is constantly watching and copying its surrounding.

It is rather difficult to practice this and it does not always work out because, as we said before, each child is unique.

We should therefore think about how our personality affects our child or if we could improve something in our relationship. Good communication with a child and well-spent time together are not just necessary contribution but also a source of fun and pleasure for ourselves.

What Temper Does Your Child Have?

Is your child „full of beans“or could your little one be livelier? How come that even siblings have such a different character? Child’s temper is affected by many factors his genetic inheritance, influence of the environment and also self-discipline.

 

Sangvinistic child’s temper

 

Sangvinistic child is happy, lively and always on the go. It is not able to concentrate, is very superficial. It takes its strength and energy from anything rhythmical. From its heart beat, its blood flow even form breathing. These children need this regularity for their games and even life. They are usually agile. They change their interests very quickly; they come up with new games quickly because they get strongly affected by their environment.

Sangvinistic children are usually popular but they are also called the naughty ones. A child with sangvinic temper is in their nature harmonic but need rhythms in everything to keep its harmony. If we can supply this child with energetic rhythm it will become easier to care for it. Don’t rush the child into anything it needs time to wander in its thoughts or its fantasy. The best opportunity to practice this is at playing games or doing simple housework tasks.

 

Melancholic child

 

Melancholic child temper

Melancholic child temper

Melancholic child tends to be sad, weepy and gets easily tired. It is in its own thoughts has often headache or digestive problems. A melancholic child needs a lot of soul encouragement. It likes to listen to other peoples stories where it can feel a portion of tragedy or heroes fatality. It will take it away from its own tragic thoughts. Do offer to this child enough stories to listen to r read. These children also like melodic tunes or even sentimental music. It is more effective to provide the child with deep experiences than to make him or her laugh. They like to be spoiled or pampered; they live through the attention of the surrounding. They need a lot of understanding and love.

A melancholic child hates cold water and loves warmth, so we shouldn’t use cold showers. They prefer sweet meals and they need it for the energy intake. We should make sure to adapt the diet accordingly. Our care should aim towards „uplifting their difficult fate“. Any movement is helpful combined with rhythmical music.

 

Choleric child’s temper

 

Choleric child is fierce, quick-tempered they have „devil in their eyes“. They can be vicious to force their own will and then they are able to co-operate and calm themselves.  The little choleric likes dramatic stories and lives through them deeply. Its own need of adventure fills by doing daring activity. It doesn’t usually need long sleep and is not picky at food. The assets of choleric temper are determination, action, and dynamics and strong will. Danger is in quick decision making that is not always thought through.

To care for a choleric child we need a large portion of patience and self-discipline. It is necessary to show him that we are absolutely calm when it loses its temper. This child needs from his adult calm and intelligent lead because it is not able to keep his temper under control.

It is best to offer work to do to this child so it can use it strength a will effectively. Let it do physical tasks when they are needed. This kind of child need a lot of space where it can run, roll on the floor, „go crazy“. It is good if it realises that is not able to carry something out or that it doesn’t dare doing it.  But he has to learn it himself! It shows its love to others very physically like a touch, poke or even a hit. Don’t ever make fun of it! Choleric child (actually all children) is very sensitive to it.  When you give to this kind of child plenty of love and support if will return it with devotion.

 

Phlegmatic child’s temper

 

Phlegmatic child is calm or even slow, it doesn’t get excited, and it is passive. It seems to look sleepy or tired like if it wasn’t there. A little phlegmatic is lead by regular unchangeable rhythm. It knows when is time to eat or sleep, is meticulous in its demands on regularity and order. That is why it is very reliable. It presents itself like so in all activity at school, in play… it keeps repeating its task. It is not able to speculate over complex matter. It is slower at understanding, learning and it can have problems at school.

The biggest positive is its memory it is able to learn many fact by never-ending repetition. It usually hasn’t got many friends because it appears boring to others. Even though it lives in loving family it is not very able to show emotions. It compensates it handicaps by eating. A phlegmatic child likes to eat sweet or heavy fatty foods or generally likes food. It loves warmth and long sleep.

The aim of your care should be overcoming the negative characteristics such as disinterest, drowsiness, rigidity or overeating. You should encourage the better characteristics like reliability, persistence, truthfulness, devotion or order. If we make strong emotional bond we find out that the love of a phlegmatic person is permanent and loyal.

 

The personality of a person is very complex and this is an example of 4 types. We are not able to exactly determinate child’s temper. Sangvinism is a typical child’s temper and it interweave with other kinds.

First Words

A child starts talking around his first birthday. The development of speech is influenced by innate dispositions, environment, but also by whether or not the child uses a pacifier.

 

At first, a child uses one word or one-syllable expressions about certain situations or people.

Interjections are replaced with verbs. When a child says: „toot“, it can mean: „look, I have a car“, or „I see a car“, etc. He learns to use „mine“ or „my“, understands the difference between „me“ and „you“, and reacts appropriately to „yes“ and „no“.

 

Tips for Parents 

first words of children

  1. We should always articulate and not use „baby talk“.
  2. We should talk calmly and clearly.
  3. Our tone should be distinctive but not exaggerated.
  4. We should repeat what the child says with correct articulation and not criticize his shortcomings.
  5. The child should be able to see our face while we talk.
  6. We should take regular breaks and not overload the child with unnecessarily long activities. We should stick to a regular sleeping schedule.
  7. We should regularly sing with the child, say rhymes, read simple stories, look at books (folding picture books), comment on activities that we do together and try to get him involved into an active communication during play time.
  8. We should not be forceful. It is forbidden to say anything along the lines of „say“! The child has to want to talk to us and we should encourage his ambition to talk through a positive feedback.

The importance of questions

 

Around a child’s third year of age, he may start asking questions like „What is it?“ and soon the famous question comes along: „Why?”. The goal of these questions is first of all to obtain desired information. But over time, we start noticing that a child repeatedly asks about the same things over and over gain. By doing this, our child is telling us that he wants to communicate with us; he wants to talk.

A perceptive parent reacts to these questions with patience. If a child hears: „Leave me alone! What do you want now?…“ he will stop being interested in communication with us and stop asking questions.

 

Pacifier and speech development

 

If a pacifier is used long-term, there could less room for a natural development of speech organs; the shape of the jaw may be affected and gradually also articulation.

If a child uses a pacifier or his thumb often and for too long, his tongue moves forward. An incorrect swallowing process is then enforced, where the tongue doesn’t move upwards to the hard palate, but instead between the teeth. The result is an open bite, an incorrect teeth development, a crooked jaw and an impaired articulation.  The consequences are difficult in terms of time and money invested in orthodontists and speech therapists when the child is older.

A pacifier is not a universal solution to any baby’s dissatisfaction. We should always try to find out why the child is dissatisfied.

 

Television and speech development

 

Why are children so attracted to TV? The moving pictures are fascinating for children. However, a child has difficulties grasping and mentally processing all these rapidly moving sequences of pictures.

A child’s effort to process what’s going on TV results in the decline of concentration and an overload caused by the amount of images coming at the child. A child’s brain isn’t equipped to handle such activity and the consequences could be a reduction in memory capacity and concentration abilities.

During a dialogue, which consists of listening and answering, a child develops his communication skills. But there is no communication with a TV.

When a child listens to a story, he creates images in his head based on his experiences and his imagination. If we need, we can pause the story telling, “explain” anything and the child can add anything at any time. We help naturally develop his speech and thought.

Watching TV should only be a special occasion and it’s a good idea to help him grasp what he has just seen though a discussion afterwards.

 

The power of fairy-tales

 

A child is able to perceive short fairy tales and stories at around two years. All children like repetition, so we should let him hear a story several times before introducing him to a new one.

The best thing to do is tell a story by memory so we can shorten it if we have to.

When a child listens to a story, he identifies with the main characters and experiences all their adventures. In his fantasy world he tries out courage, endurance, loyalty and love for the good – basically all that he will later need. These intense and deep experiences fulfill his psychological needs and help develop his personality. Children that do not experience this may later try to fulfill these needs with inappropriate means, such as drugs of other adrenalin experiences.

While our delivery of the story may not be as professional as the ones we hear on CDs, it can be more emotionally charged.

There is no other narrative genre that has such a positive and intensive impact on children as fairy tales do.

In order for a child’s speech to be properly developing, it’s important to create a loving environment in which he hears proper speech. We shouldn’t forget to sing and rhyme with our child, help him recognize and name people and objects in his environment, look at books, show pictures…

    …and during all that: talk, talk, talk…

Fish Should Be Included in Your Child’s Diet

It’s well known that in coastal countries parents include fish in their child’s diet from an early age, basically as one of the first solid foods introduced at around their sixth of seventh month.

Until recently, people were very careful in including fish into a child’s diet, even freshwater fish, which has been a popular ingredient in many cookbooks for hundreds of years.

Fish, just like cow milk and nuts, is one of the most common allergens. This is the reason why many parents were reluctant in including fish in the diet of the smallest children. Studies have shown however, that eliminating these allergens from ones diet is necessary only if one truly has an allergic reaction to them. It’s ineffective and unnecessary to exclude fish from a child’s diet, even if he has a family history of allergies, only to prevent one from developing allergies. We cannot influence whether or not a child will be allergic. For more please read about the anaphylaxis on fish in children here.

Fish (especially freshwater fish) can be fed to a nursing baby. If a baby has a family history of allergies, it’s advised to be careful, but we don’t have to wait until our child is two (as was previously advised) to give him this very nutritious food.

Fish in baby diet

Fish in baby diet

Opinions on a balanced, nutrition diet change so quickly that many recommendations loose their validity. Nevertheless it’s true that regarding nutrition, it pays to learn form our ancestors.

Nursing unquestionably remains the best diet for a baby in his first months. Between his fourth and sixth month, it’s appropriate to start introducing additional liquids and solid foods, while still breastfeeding. It’s unnecessary to hurry or to give a child his first spoon of vegetables right at the end of his fourth month. If you start after his seventh month, nothing happens, but the child can refuse some solid foods and his tolerance to new foods (i.e. fish) can be lower then the month before. The same is also true for gluten.

Independence – How to Lead a Child into It

Is your toddler in a stage that it wants to do many thing by itself? Its “I do it” is a daily routine? Believe that is absolutely natural.

 

Child is becoming aware if its own personality, his own self. It only means one thing for parents – to armor themselves with patience and encourage their offspring, anyway they can, in their independence. Of course it is not an easy task….

Most parent find this period rather difficult to deal with because they have a feeling that their little one is still too little. They think that their child cannot be able to do some of the things or it can come to harm by doing it or even break something. But the truth lies within. A toddler is actually quiet clever by then. It only needs some space so it can try to do things by itself. And don’t discourage it by saying “You are still too little to do that”

A child’s independence is developing best by doing simple everyday tasks.

 

GETTING DRESSED

At the age of two or three we can start teaching independence by a simple example: We let little boy or girl choose what to wear that day; lets say we give them 3 tops to choose from. When he or she chooses one; we can ask “What would you wear with that?” The child might choose blue and green striped top and red trousers with white spots. Mum shouldn’t say: “Don’t put that on.” Instead she should add: “Do you like it? I think that the blue trousers would go better, what do you think?” But if she or he would want to wear stripes with spots so let them. Nobody would mind.

At the upbringing period we should be aware of what is actually important. One important thing is: a child should make a mistake and then go and fix it.

Leading to independence – or the whole upbringing of your child- means that since birth we should teach children by our own examples.  If my two and half year old princess spends time with me while I’m getting dressed I could say: “Look at this lovely green skirt, I should wear with that this nice blue and green top, it goes well together. Do you think if you had a skirt like that that your pink top would go with it?” And the same goes for boys. When dad is getting ready he could say: “Look, doesn’t this blue shirt goes well with my trousers? Try and pick something similar for yourself. “

Please remember that getting dressed is the easiest way to lead them to confidently make their own decision.

 

FOOD

This is slightly harder but it’s possible to start at breakfast times. Let your toddler choose what it would want to eat” Would you like a toast with cheese or marmalade?” And if your child would demand on his toast for example pate, which you just don’t have, and with a hump leaves the table let him or her go.

 

HYGIENE

Just before the evening bathing mummy says: “Johnny I’m just getting your bath ready and when you come you can show me how well you can wash yourself” Don’t rush by soaping your child quickly. “OK, well done, I will help you with your hair.” Let your child dry itself and mum or dad can just assist with their back. Don’t forget to teach your little girl to wipe her bum well with a toilet roll independently as soon as you can.

 

CLEARING UP

A toddler is very able to tidy up his toys or even help laying the table. Child can help you peeling potatoes and even if it isn’t perfect he or she did it by themselves. The result isn’t important at this stage it is actually their ability and independence that the child was able to show.

When a child around two years old starts becoming “the clever clocks” you should let it do as many every day tasks as you can. Do make sure that you are talking to them while they are “working”. Peeling potatoes might take him more than half hour but time is not the essence here. Don’t discourage your child by saying: “you’re too little to do it.” Do adapt the activity to your child’s ability. If your little one is not able to use the peeler than let him wash the vegetable instead. Just don’t discourage your child from any tasks it can do.

 

What is important when teaching children independence?

 

PRAISE

It is very important to praise a child discovering its own self. Any time he or she shows signs of independence praise them, for example: when they use the potty without prompting, when they get dressed by themselves, when they eat up all the food and when they tidy up their toys, say: “You’ve done a great job, only big boys can do it so well.” You take your child swimming and when you are ready your little one puts his arm bands on by himself so make sure you praise him: “Well done for not forgetting.”

 

CHANCE TO MAKE DECISIONindependence of the child

When we talk about independence it is sometimes difficult for parent to find the right opportunities to let their kids to make decisions. It is much easier to give orders or bans. But it could actually be nicer for a parent to watch their little one solving a little problem or making their own decision. If you tell your child not to do something you should also give him an explanation: “You mustn’t do that because…” Practicing their independence also means practicing their thinking.

 

TIME

When teaching independence it is a common issue that parents rather overtake from their kids and don’t want to start with it. It is actually much quicker to dress little Mary themselves then wait for her to try it. Or if little Mary would take too long, mum could easily get stressed, she could add: “You are too little to do it I’ll do it. I thought that you were big enough to do it yourself.” If you little girl is not able to do it well enough or fast enough just assist, help a little but don’t do it instead of her.

 

WITHOUT MUMMY

Children younger than one year should be without their mum only a day (maybe two) a week. After one year you can extend the “away period” to three or more days maybe by staying at the grandparents or other relatives. Strange people show to your child their own customs or ways that you may not approve of.

For two or more years old is ideal socializing time at toddler centre or clubs for mum, where the child meet with their peers and is without they mums attention. At this time a child is developing an emotional independence. And of course is it very important to go through a period of being without a parent and to socialize before nursery or school time. Keep in mind that each child is different and that it needs its own time to master everything. But more independence he or she learns at home easier it will be to adapt to new environment at school.